Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
