Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
