i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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