And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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