You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
