soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
