I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
