BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she smelled like a LAN party
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
