How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
