you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
