She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
