What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
