So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she woke up with a sticky ear
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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