Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
