she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
whose parrot is this?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
