They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
