Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
