dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
