based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
