I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
