Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
