you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
