in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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