Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
