i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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