I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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