have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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