its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
