Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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