Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
