she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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