No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
