i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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