ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
