The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Rumble strips road head = magical
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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