So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
