Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
