He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
