Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
