Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
