We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
