Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
