It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
