Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
