I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
