I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
