They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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