I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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