Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
