so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
