Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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