he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
