I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
