I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
