Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
