there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
