ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
