New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
