Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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