I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
