shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My vagina is officially offended.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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