Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
